There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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