he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
