I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
