I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Randomize
