Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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