Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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