I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
