I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
