I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
