the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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