How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
