Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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