I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
