Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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