I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
