Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
