My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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