I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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