i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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