i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
