you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
