mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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