i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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