How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
