i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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