I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize