You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
