There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
