I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
pop tarts are not kleenex
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
