Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
