Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
