she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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