My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
