So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
