I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
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