left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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