At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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