Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
