you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I think pants incapable of making pants work
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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