Christians are straight up FREAKS
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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