I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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