I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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