dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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