It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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