Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
