They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
