8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
tell me about the fingering
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