She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
