My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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