I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
