I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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