i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
