I CAN MOONWALK!
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
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