im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
