I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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