remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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