Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize