I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
