Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
