I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I think a kid would responsible me up
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
