I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Randomize
