i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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