So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
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On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
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And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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