i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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