ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
We have so much sex to catch up on
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Randomize
