I'm going to jail i love you
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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