We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
