Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
