hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
organizing the empties. That sober.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
