He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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