this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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