lets start a swedish sibling band together
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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